cryptotheism:

It is 1880s America, you are about to spawn as a Historically Significant White Guy. Choose a class:

TROUBLEMAKING FRONTIER PREACHER

• Special Power: Good Christian. Your vague adherence to American protestantism will ensure that law enforcement does not bother you whatsoever.
• Victory condition: Fuck enough of your followers wives to start an inbred theofascist micronation.

MANICALLY AMBITIOUS CON ARTIST

• Special Power: Basic Literacy. You’re poor, but you know how to read. They’ll never expect it. You may forge literally any document and it will be believed 100% of the time.
• Victory Condition: Steal enough money to fuck off to Latin America. A Spanish speaking nation might as well be the moon to your debtors.

EUROPEAN NOBLE FAILSON

• Special Power: Colonial Wealth. Your funny accent, foppish dress, and noble title, will make any American think you are totally good to buy it on credit.
• Victory Condition: Become the boytoy to the wife of some borderline-gangster politician and save up enough political capital to run for office and get addicted to opium.

DOOMED FRONTIER EXPLORER

• Special Power: How The Fuck Are You Alive. Your freakish diet of pork, whiskey, and maple syrup, makes you entirely immune to all physical injury and disease. Somehow.
• Victory Condition: You have one mission, and one mission only. You need to piss off some completely friendly natives. You need to piss them off so bad they leave your stupid ass to starve in a food forest they’ve been cultivating for literally thousands of years.

heavybend:

heavybend:

my brother started calling our cat “doobie brother” which he then lengthened to “dubious brother” and has since morphed into “brother dubious” like he’s some sort of fucked up little monk

brother dubious

daaudball:

Hmmmm

camwoodstock:

vixivulpixel:

Smash Bros Brawl announcer: DOG THAT GOES GORP

Shitty Wiimote speaker: Ġ̷̛̞̥̟͒̈́̓̀͌́͝O̸͎̞͒́̈́͊͝R̷͕̪̜͚̖̆̆͘P̶̧̱͔͓̭͎̭̹̌̐͌͝

toskarin:

so this has happened a few times recently and I waited a bit on it to make sure nobody got singled out, but if I reblog something and you take that as signal to start an argument with op in the notes, I’m going to give you bone diseases

demilypyro:

demilypyro:

This is true I think, everyone just has very normal and even-minded thoughts and opinions about transfeminine sexuality

tooies:

this website’s moderation sucks ass and it has a terrible bot problem and there are an enormous amount of bugs but thankfully we have a staff team hard at work not addressing any of these but instead making shitty ui changes that nobody wants

@staff who told you that 80% dead space is a good ui

aokozaki:

Oh fuck off tumblr. If twitter users are fleeing to tumblr, they want fucking tumblr, not a clone of an actively sinking ship.

(For full transparency’s sake, the stuff inside the red box is stuff I’ve pixelated on purpose, tumblr obviously doesn’t look like that).